over the rainbow

somewhere, over the #rainbow, they tell me the bluebirds fly. curious, that, as they can’t even see the #rainbow from where they are. but true it may be. i saw a #rainbow this #morning and over it were these unmistakable birdlike forms. wait. those were airplanes. at least they were blue. i guess you can’t have it all. makes the song seem a little less romantic but definitely a lot more practical. under the #rainbow and those planes may have had a bit of a rough ride and an ocean landing, i expect.

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#birth happened. that’s all i can say about it reliably. i know nothing else. it wasn’t until almost ten minutes later that i realized that i wasn’t in a hospital. it was either the pain or the joy. i hope it was the joy. it was the pain. i was told once that nothing hurts more than a paper cut. if i could invite the person who shared that insight with me to give #birth to a four-pound #child surrounded by the comfort of a newly-vacated first-class lounger on a #transatlantic redeye, without the benefit of either doctor or medication, i would do so. i shall leave it at that, however. the remaining two hours of the #flight into frankfurt were as uneventful as one can imagine the first two hours of life would be, surrounded by a crowd of apathetic strangers in a flying cigar, pressurized to the point of crushing the bones in a newly-formed skull. simply put, it was loud. quiet in comparison but mindlessly vibrant in the moment.

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the ugly duckling

so, in a #world before #smart, there was this #swan who gave birth and #completely didn’t #notice. in that same #world, there was a #duck, curiously enough, giving birth in the same lake at the same time. can you #imagine the noise that was to be heard that morning with the honking and quacking and the father birds trying desperately not to get seen edging away in search of television sets and motoring magazines? i assure you, there were feathers to be seen flying and water churned to near boiling #point. that being said, six ##ducklings and seven #signets entered the #world that day, almost as wet and sticky as the day they were conceived. this, of course, being a #world before #smart, is a #world without counting. we shall ignore those numbers in exactly the same manner as their mothers.

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beating in time

it was the best of times; it was the worst of times. time, in fact, stood still for her, peering longingly into the #water as it circled the drain. it was her custom to step out of the #bath and be dry by the time the #water had finally gurgled into the arcane pipework but she felt stunned to the point of inaction. time not only stood still but stopped her from standing at all. it was, after all, bedtime and darkness had fallen on the small cottage as #water poured hot and steaming from the antediluvian faucet, moistening porcelain and warming the cold room as bubbles and salts mixed with steam and caused apple blossoms to fill the december night as it would be in september. plunging up to her neck in the #water, splashing the #floor without even noticing, holding her breath and her head under the #water until it would appear to an observer that she was testing the limits of her lungs’ capacity to spontaneously cease respiration. she was typically calm. it was different this time. calm had not given way to mania, happiness, relief, or even their sad counterparts. this was shock. carla sat rigid watching the #clock on the wall #simply say seven minutes past eight, #morning or evening making no difference, realizing only after minutes’ contemplation that the #clock itself had no power to move and was stuck, much like carla herself. it was that #morning that gin had left her. left in the conclusive sense, that is, not in the leaving for work as they had done every day since their wedding. when carla awoke, gin was already dressed, sitting on the end of the bed, suitcase at her feet. she #simply said “i don’t need time. i don’t need to think. i know that it’s over. #please try to #survive without me. i won’t stop loving you but i cannot stay.”

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there was a girl. an average girl. for a princess, that is. so not so average. but she looked fairly normal, a little tall, curly #black #hair, surprisingly foreign. amazing that her #father didn’t suspect her mother of having an affair with the #tailor. but that’s a story for another day altogether. they raised her as their own and her mother said nothing about it at all. her #father quietly had the #tailor dropped in the #river behind the castle without anyone really noticing except that the quality of the suits in the city was definitely at an all time low. but nobody said anything about it at all.

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fire stories

Sunset sets me free from the flames that I can’t convince out of my hair. This place never changes. A year since my toes touched this stone but it feels like yesterday. A bright, incendiary ball is hovering over my sister’s head but this time I’m curiously unworried. It’s only the sun, though. Somehow this way it seems normal. Continue Reading…

scotland the… brave?

right, so i’m not exactly the most prodemocratic of thinkers at the best of times but i am constantly asked about the possibility of scotland’s independence from the union. here are the three answers that i should give you if you have time…

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three bears


  • bearymomma1 Gourmet porridge. From scratch. With vanilla and chocolate chips. @marthastewart #kma!
  • whosyourdaddyteddy Wife @bearymomma1 Gourmet porridge. From scratch. With vanilla and chocolate chips. @marthastewart #kma!
  • whosyourdaddyteddy Spoke too soon. Breakfast served. Smell = #nom, temp = Chernobyl.
  • cheapmapleleafpharma4 @whosyourdaddyteddy Suffering from radiation? Click for cheap Canadian iodine tablets & free shipping http://bit.ly/uVmrX
  • bearymomma1 #quityabitchin Morning forest walk? Any takers?
  • whosyourdaddyteddy @bearymomma1 Got pram?
  • bearymomma1 @whosyourdaddyteddy Got shoulders?
  • innuendo_machine RT @bearymomma1 @whosyourdaddyteddy Got shoulders?
  • lil_bare_i_am Forest with p/units. #afk
  • lillybear @lil_bare_i_am ha. txtme bk whn u /afk!
  • goldilox “The Bears”. House signs in Comic Sans?? typefacefail.
  • the_font_five_oh@goldilox “The Bears”. House signs in Comic Sans?? typefacefail.
  • goldilox cabin? door? unlocked? #sniffsniffsniff vanilla? #mmm bowls labeled? wtf??
  • goldilox bowl==”papa” : lip==ow. hot. #firetruckformymouth
  • goldilox papaya juice! #woot
  • 42wayz2live Papaya is the deeper meaning of life. RT @goldilox papaya juice! #woot
  • goldilox bowl==”Goddess Mother” : stomach==teh brrrrrrrrr!!!!!1111
  • goldilox third bowl. #mmm. stick finger inside. nice. handwashing? #meh. #indoorplumbingisso20thcentury.
  • goldilox survey: to eat or not to eat #tweetmyhamlet
  • bardster Puns are the lowest form of humor. Please rephrase in the form of a question. RT @goldilox survey: to eat or not to eat #tweetmyhamlet
  • goldilox fuck it. #nomnomnom
  • cookiemonster tru luv! RT @goldilox fuck it. #nomnomnom
  • goldilox #mmmmmmmmmmmmm @emeril==@bearymomma1
  • goldilox *zzz* company?
  • goldilox separate beds? wtf??
  • goldilox mamabed==door && papabed==feathers #sleepfail
  • goldilox tinybed. nice. v.nice. v.v.nice. *zonk*. #wakemewhenitsover
  • whosyourdaddyteddy Some porridge has disappeared. #beaverinfestation?
  • bearymomma1 Hmmmmmm. Spoon in bowl. Two less chocolate chips. Curiosity abounds.
  • nomorekitteh Curiosity killed the lolcats. @bearymomma1 Hmmmmmm. Spoon in bowl. Two less chocolate chips. Curiosity abounds.
  • lil_bare_i_am /porridge. wtf??
  • whosyourdaddyteddy Bed unmade. ??wife??
  • bearymomma1 Someone’s been sleeping in my bed. Not me. #goodgirlsdontsleep
  • lil_bare_i_am bed==full. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
  • gotlaide2day congratz! RT @lil_bare_i_am bed==full. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
  • goldilox #fivemoreminutesmom
  • goldilox bear. scream. run. runsomemore. rungoldirunlikethewind. #fml
  • moralzwiki breakingandentering + bear + homeinvasiongonewrong = porridgefail.